The Face of Insecurity

   So, it's been a while since I blogged. I haven't been struggling with my insomnia as much; and my life is settling down a bit. I feel like I'm finding "normal" again. But tonight...tonight, my readers, I feel down and out. At first I couldn't put a finger on it. My emotions were nameless, yet overwhelming. I think I may have traced it now; and that's why I am writing this blog.
  I'm feeling insecure. That's the root of my emotions. I'm feeling less than adequate; a bit like a wall flower. To be clear, I am not having "relationship" drama. That's not it at all. What triggered this bout of self-doubt was some anxiety over my most recent job interview. I have been trying to get in to a retail position for a year and a half now. But I've never made it past the second interview or the personality assessment. It's disheartening to say the least when you are constantly passed up on a job for nothing more than appearances. I always lose out to the stereotypical pretty girl that fits this vapid worlds image of beautiful. It's a blow to my self esteem every time it happens. I don't have the "Look" that these places are after; so instead of me, the short, pale red headed spunky girl, the medium height thin teenager with the long blond hair gets the job. That makes me really self-conscious, and very aware of all my feature flaws. I have worked really hard for most of my adult life on my self esteem, trying to look in the mirror and see an image other than the one painted by a stranger when I was just a child.
I think I deserve to feel beautiful. So I don't fit the image that the world posts on every billboard and in every magazine. I don't want to; I don't want to be another cookie cut from the same plastic mold. I deserve to feel good about who I am and how I look, right?
I think so. I think we all do.
So, thank you, friends. Thank you all for every time you've called me beautiful, or liked a photo of mine. You all build me up so much; I don't think most of my friends realize I need that from them, or that I appreciate them for it. You all make me feel beautiful and priceless. And on nights like this, that's really all I need.