Conflicted Sympathy

  Is it just me, or has this month been just insane?? It seems like every time I turn around, someone else has passed away, gotten sick, had surgery, or has found out they are having a baby. It's just one thing after another; it has me on my toes, wary of every corner or night time outing, because it just seems like this month has been so unlucky. Especially with deaths. And I don't mean to sound insensitive about it. It's just something I've noticed.

  What I find particularly difficult, though, is the feelings of empathy for all these people who are losing their loved ones. To be more direct, I've had a hard time with it today. My immediate reaction when I hear someone is passed is to extend my condolences to the family and friends left grieving. Losing someone is never easy; losing someone unexpectedly is even worse, because there's the pain of the loss combined with shock. And I feel overwhelming sympathy in such cases. The reason this has been so hard tonight, is because of a conflict with *who* has lost someone.
  It sounds awful to me that I have to reconsider extending my sympathy to someone because of who they are and how they have behaved towards me. I feel like it shouldn't be a factor in times of grief and today, it has most definitely become a factor.
 I feel I can't approach this person, even to tell them how sorry I am for their loss, because they have, time and time again, treated me with no respect. They have used and abused every extension of help, or offer of friendship, that I have ever given them. So to tell them how sorry I am to hear that they lost a loved one...seems like it would be unwelcome, and/or unappreciated. I hate that. Everyone deserves sympathy, kindness and prayer when they are hurting from the loss of a loved one....but how can a person offer those things to someone who clearly could care less about you yourself? =/ It's an inner battle to keep from sending even the shortest of messages......
 How sad it must be to know you've pushed away so many genuine people who wanted to be your friend, who would have been there for you in your times of need...how incredibly sad.

  I wish it were different; that we could get along, even enough for cordiality. But this person has proven time and again that they have no desire to be genuine with me.....and on principal, I cannot extend my sympathies.

This makes me feel like an awful person.....I was taught that you should over look things, when someone is hurting...with this person, I just..can't. Ah, but I guess life will go on. And so will I, as I always have.