Poison. Defined in the Miriam-Webster dictionary as "something destructive or harmful." Typically, we think of poison as a dark liquid that moves swiftly through the body shutting down all vital organs, including the heart. But if poison is defined as something destructive or harmful, we are surrounded by poisons every single day of our lives. If we compiled a list of all the poisons in the world, we would all wrap ourselves in bubbles and never come out again. Everything from the media, to politics, to what we eat can be destructive or harmful. But in my pondering, I have found the one poison that interests me the most because it, by far, has the most victims. Ourselves.
The human mind is, in my opinion, the deadliest and the slowest of poisons. Humankind has an innate knack of getting in it's own way and becoming poisonous to itself. We let our thoughts spin wildly out of control and push us to the brink of disaster. We get ahead of ourselves, or full of ourselves. And as the old adage goes, "Pride doth go before a great fall."We see examples of this within great literary works such as Romeo& Juliet, a tragic story of two "star-crossed lovers" with the unfortunate luck of being born into rivaling families. And there, just in the beginning of the synopsis, we can see that age old poison sinking in. If those parents could have gotten out of their own way, perhaps their children would have lived. Perhaps the feud of their lifetime could have been put to rest. They could have found ultimate healing and peace by setting aside grudges, and embrace the joy of young love. There are endless possibilities as to how the story could have gone. But Shakespeare wrote it out to play to the tune of self destruction. Why? Because self destruction plagues society and always has.
When we get inside our own heads and watch those wheels as they spin, what exactly do we expect to happen? A great epiphany? A sudden and complete understanding of ourselves? As a girl who spent many a night locked in her own head watching the wheels spin, I can assure you it rarely leads to anything other than over-thinking and self-destructive behavior.
The human heart has an incredible capacity for many things. Healing ,for example. A heart can heal itself from the worst of heart breaks and shape us into stronger, better people. But every coin has a flip side. The human heart also can hold onto things much longer than is healthy for a soul. Past hurts and wrongs against oneself can sit and fester in the heart until soon our whole being revolves around a competition of sorts. Constantly having to prove we're fine. Constantly competing against the festering growth of anger and revenge. Here is my theory.
When you hold onto something that cut you deeply, when you let it stay in the back of your mind, it has a way of finding your heart. When it does, no matter your outward appearances, you begin to poison yourself slowly. Because soon that hurt alters your way of thinking. You may have kept that memory in the back of your head to make you stronger and more aware for the future, so as to prevent it happening ever again. But that robs away the joy and trust from your relationships. Soon everyone you know is silently, secretly on trial for an action not their own; for a cause that they did not create. It slowly builds to a serious self destruction. And the person who is destroying themselves won't even notice it, because it has become such a part of themselves.
So what do you do if you see this happening to someone you care for? well, if I had the answer, I would gladly share it. The sad truth is you can't stop someone from self-destructive tendencies. You can't prevent them from starting the process that leads to it. You can rarely halt it, and even then you're lucky if they let you close enough to do so.
All you can do is try and recognize those behaviors in yourself, and prevent your own self destruction. Your mind is the most dangerous poison. And only you can keep yourself from taking that poison.
About Me
- Aubs
- I'm a 26 year old female just living life. I am a lover of the preforming arts, particularly theater. I'm a sweet, caring, and fun loving person. I've been through a lot in my life, and I am thankful for the trials, because they shaped who i am.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
WARNING: A Rant
Ah, hello blog world! I have been missing you. So far, life is good. Really good. I have officially been a Divorce' for two whole days now. Honestly, that wasn't as emotionally overwhelming as I had thought it could be. I went to court, raised my right hand, did a few "Yes Sirs" and walked out with my ex-husbands last name and a fresh page to start on. All in all, it's good to have it behind me. I'm still on decent terms with his parents, as is he with mine; that always makes things easier I think.
I did some small celebrating, talked to some very good friends, and I have been living my life with a new zest for the mystery in it all than I have ever had.
Correct me if I am mistaken, but isn't that a normal way of healing to a bad break up, or in my case a divorce?
Not holding on to the past, realizing it's over and why it is in fact over, and moving forward as best as you can? I think that's pretty healthy. Which makes me feel good about where I am, and excited about where I am heading.
This brings me to the thing that annoyed me today. I will never be okay with the false facade of a person who has "Moved On." A person who wants the world to see they have done the normal healing involved in long relationships ending. A person who, for all intents and purposes, looks to have found a new start with a person well suited to them for whatever reasons. When that same person turns around and says or does something so clearly the opposite of the image they have built, it can only make one wonder as to why? Why would they lie? Why would they pretend? I can't think of anyone who would judge another for having to heal from a broken heart or a bad ending to a long standing relationship.
Now, just to clarify, I am not in any way referring to my ex-husband. I think he really has done the normal process of healing; or at least most of it. He did what he had to do to help himself; I don't agree with a portion of it. But I don't hold it against him. He's not the target of my blog today.
The target for this particular blog is no one special; I just see these things happen so often, and it's really very sad. It makes me wonder when the social stigma that you have to always land on your feet and be "A-Okay" at all times following a break up was developed.
I think it's unhealthy. I think we should all try and do our part to put an end to that social stigma. Think about it for a minute; how many of us know or have known someone who had the biggest breakdown of their life after pretending to be just fine and dandy at the end of a long relationship? I know for a fact that that behavior can lead to serious depression and poor decision making. I know it from first hand experience. It's a self destructive idea. It's unrealistic and best, and manipulative at worst. It holds consequences far outstretching the couple itself; it can hurt family, mutual friends, new relationships; you name it.
So the next time you feel the ground slipping, or your life shattering before your eyes, remember that it is OKAY to feel that way. That it's NORMAL to not know what to do at the end of something you may have thought would always last. It is not in the least okay to pretend, to yourself or anyone else, that you feel anything slightly askance of your true feelings. That leads to immature and impulsive actions. And those, dear readers, do more damage than owning up to how you really feel ever could.
We all fall down, we all break ourselves and others. But the pieces do get swept up, and slowly, they get put back together. And the picture you'll see if you let yourself heal the right way is a far more beautiful future than you could have ever dreamed of.
I did some small celebrating, talked to some very good friends, and I have been living my life with a new zest for the mystery in it all than I have ever had.
Correct me if I am mistaken, but isn't that a normal way of healing to a bad break up, or in my case a divorce?
Not holding on to the past, realizing it's over and why it is in fact over, and moving forward as best as you can? I think that's pretty healthy. Which makes me feel good about where I am, and excited about where I am heading.
This brings me to the thing that annoyed me today. I will never be okay with the false facade of a person who has "Moved On." A person who wants the world to see they have done the normal healing involved in long relationships ending. A person who, for all intents and purposes, looks to have found a new start with a person well suited to them for whatever reasons. When that same person turns around and says or does something so clearly the opposite of the image they have built, it can only make one wonder as to why? Why would they lie? Why would they pretend? I can't think of anyone who would judge another for having to heal from a broken heart or a bad ending to a long standing relationship.
Now, just to clarify, I am not in any way referring to my ex-husband. I think he really has done the normal process of healing; or at least most of it. He did what he had to do to help himself; I don't agree with a portion of it. But I don't hold it against him. He's not the target of my blog today.
The target for this particular blog is no one special; I just see these things happen so often, and it's really very sad. It makes me wonder when the social stigma that you have to always land on your feet and be "A-Okay" at all times following a break up was developed.
I think it's unhealthy. I think we should all try and do our part to put an end to that social stigma. Think about it for a minute; how many of us know or have known someone who had the biggest breakdown of their life after pretending to be just fine and dandy at the end of a long relationship? I know for a fact that that behavior can lead to serious depression and poor decision making. I know it from first hand experience. It's a self destructive idea. It's unrealistic and best, and manipulative at worst. It holds consequences far outstretching the couple itself; it can hurt family, mutual friends, new relationships; you name it.
So the next time you feel the ground slipping, or your life shattering before your eyes, remember that it is OKAY to feel that way. That it's NORMAL to not know what to do at the end of something you may have thought would always last. It is not in the least okay to pretend, to yourself or anyone else, that you feel anything slightly askance of your true feelings. That leads to immature and impulsive actions. And those, dear readers, do more damage than owning up to how you really feel ever could.
We all fall down, we all break ourselves and others. But the pieces do get swept up, and slowly, they get put back together. And the picture you'll see if you let yourself heal the right way is a far more beautiful future than you could have ever dreamed of.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Reality of Emotions
Have you ever felt emotion hit you like a tidal wave? Like your own personal hurricane slamming against you over and over until you can't feel yourself breath anymore? Until it overwhelms you to the point of surrender, and you give in completely to the emotions which create the raging torrent inside of you.
Why do our emotions ebb and flow this way? When you lose yourself to the torrent, how do you reconnect with reality? Where is the shore when the tide pulls you in...that's my question right now.
It feels as though I am constantly battling that current of emotion. It pulls, and I try to swim down under it and resurface up on top of it once more. But that's only the start of the cycle. It's a daily fight and a complete toss up each time as to who may win; me, or the emotions that build underneath the calm, bubbly surface.
Out of curiosity, I looked up the definition to "Emotion." I found many, but here are a few I'd like to share:
As defined by the Medical Dictionary:
Function: n
1 : the affective aspect of consciousness
2 : a state of feeling
3 : a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectivelyexperienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specificobject and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body.
And as defined by www.dictionary.com,
–noun
Why do our emotions ebb and flow this way? When you lose yourself to the torrent, how do you reconnect with reality? Where is the shore when the tide pulls you in...that's my question right now.
It feels as though I am constantly battling that current of emotion. It pulls, and I try to swim down under it and resurface up on top of it once more. But that's only the start of the cycle. It's a daily fight and a complete toss up each time as to who may win; me, or the emotions that build underneath the calm, bubbly surface.
Out of curiosity, I looked up the definition to "Emotion." I found many, but here are a few I'd like to share:
As defined by the Medical Dictionary:
emo·tion definition
Pronunciation: /i-ˈmō-shən/Function: n
1 : the affective aspect of consciousness
2 : a state of feeling
3 : a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectivelyexperienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specificobject and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body.
And as defined by www.dictionary.com,
–noun
1.
an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow,fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished fromcognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
2.
3.
any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencinglove, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certainphysiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration,and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.
It feels nice to put a clear definition to something that isn't tangible.
Emotions. A state of feeling, often manifested in a conscious mental reaction and a subconscious change in behavior.
I don't know about you all, but when it comes to battling something we have so little control over it's good to know that we have one weapon to fight back with: new knowledge. An unending desire to learn more about what drives us to these emotions, how they come about, and why they cause "behavioral changes" is as strong a life jacket as any. After all, knowledge is power, is it not?
So until next time, good luck to all of you out there who are swimming in the sea of emotion. Remember, safety first. Never swim without your life jacket.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Oh the Scandal
Many things have been weighing on my mind as of late. The trouble with that is it gives me a bit of a mental drain clog. It's hard to pick one thread of thought to go with, and so I haven't written anything until now.
So I think I will use the next few blogs as a strong mental dose of Drain-O. Bear with me through the ensuing chaos; there may be something interesting to be discovered in this little mind of mine.
I suppose the easiest thought to process out at the moment is also the weightiest. It's about life direction and drive. Vague, no? Well, let's try it on for size anyway.
How many of you out there in this supreme cyber world know exactly where you want your life to go? How many figured out the direction you were destined to take at a young age? I can trust that the number of people who did in fact know their life's direction when they were in their twenties is remarkably small.
So then why does society always seem to put the pressure on when you hit your twenties? I'm only 21; but I am not married(anymore, granted), and I don't have a clue yet as to what I should be doing in school. I have spent the last year or two bouncing in and out of college for that very reason; I don't know what I want out of this life. Yet. And despite my family assuring me I don't have to have it all figured out this second, I find that actions speak much louder than words; and the actions I see tell me a different story.
Now don't get me wrong, please. I've no doubt in my mind that my family loves me regardless; I know first hand that they won't abandon me for my lack of direction in life. But general society as a whole seems to emit this ludicrous idea that you're a nobody if you aren't a) settled down and starting a beautiful family by my age, b) with the one true love of your life at my age, or c) a completely hopeless case if you aren't at least in school getting a degree so you can have a killer six figure job after college.
Now, I realize that these ideals don't apply to everyone individually. I am sure that anyone reading this now will tell me I'm wrong, it's not that way. But when I look in the media, what I see is far different.
Here's my take on it.
If you have you're life dream all neatly tied away in a bright purple bow by the time you're in your twenties, you have my eternal awe. But I really don't think that's so. Because the people who think they have it all figured out are usually the ones who fall flat on their face and wonder how the hell they got there. I know, because I was one of those people. It was a rude wake up call, and I find that many people have experienced the same thing. I love my family, because they encourage self discovery and look at "failure" as just another growing pain. If I had grown up being taught any differently, I would never have made it alive through this divorce.
I got married young to the first willing guy because I thought I had to; I wasn't in school, and the next thing on my "Grown Up List," as my mother likes to call it, was to get married. I was wrong. Anyone who thinks there is a timer on their lives, or that they *have* to do something is dead wrong.
I like that progresive way of thinking. It really appeals to me. In a life full of mistakes and wrong choices, it feels good to know it's all just another growing pain.
And with that in mind, I have decided to go back to school. And I have realized it's not about when you go, but why you go. And if you have those mixed up, you'll soon find out.
So, lesson today kids? Don't buy the hype. Society is all high ideals and scandal; none of which a shmuck like me really needs!
So I think I will use the next few blogs as a strong mental dose of Drain-O. Bear with me through the ensuing chaos; there may be something interesting to be discovered in this little mind of mine.
I suppose the easiest thought to process out at the moment is also the weightiest. It's about life direction and drive. Vague, no? Well, let's try it on for size anyway.
How many of you out there in this supreme cyber world know exactly where you want your life to go? How many figured out the direction you were destined to take at a young age? I can trust that the number of people who did in fact know their life's direction when they were in their twenties is remarkably small.
So then why does society always seem to put the pressure on when you hit your twenties? I'm only 21; but I am not married(anymore, granted), and I don't have a clue yet as to what I should be doing in school. I have spent the last year or two bouncing in and out of college for that very reason; I don't know what I want out of this life. Yet. And despite my family assuring me I don't have to have it all figured out this second, I find that actions speak much louder than words; and the actions I see tell me a different story.
Now don't get me wrong, please. I've no doubt in my mind that my family loves me regardless; I know first hand that they won't abandon me for my lack of direction in life. But general society as a whole seems to emit this ludicrous idea that you're a nobody if you aren't a) settled down and starting a beautiful family by my age, b) with the one true love of your life at my age, or c) a completely hopeless case if you aren't at least in school getting a degree so you can have a killer six figure job after college.
Now, I realize that these ideals don't apply to everyone individually. I am sure that anyone reading this now will tell me I'm wrong, it's not that way. But when I look in the media, what I see is far different.
Here's my take on it.
If you have you're life dream all neatly tied away in a bright purple bow by the time you're in your twenties, you have my eternal awe. But I really don't think that's so. Because the people who think they have it all figured out are usually the ones who fall flat on their face and wonder how the hell they got there. I know, because I was one of those people. It was a rude wake up call, and I find that many people have experienced the same thing. I love my family, because they encourage self discovery and look at "failure" as just another growing pain. If I had grown up being taught any differently, I would never have made it alive through this divorce.
I got married young to the first willing guy because I thought I had to; I wasn't in school, and the next thing on my "Grown Up List," as my mother likes to call it, was to get married. I was wrong. Anyone who thinks there is a timer on their lives, or that they *have* to do something is dead wrong.
I like that progresive way of thinking. It really appeals to me. In a life full of mistakes and wrong choices, it feels good to know it's all just another growing pain.
And with that in mind, I have decided to go back to school. And I have realized it's not about when you go, but why you go. And if you have those mixed up, you'll soon find out.
So, lesson today kids? Don't buy the hype. Society is all high ideals and scandal; none of which a shmuck like me really needs!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Art of Living
Good afternoon, blog-world. I hope today has found you in good heart and good health. I think for today's blog, I'm going to share some simple truths I'm picking up along the way.
1. The little things are the most important; like peanuts. They are sooo tiny, but if you're allergic, they can kill you. If there's something going on in your life that seems minuet, don't ignore it. Watch it closely.
2. The society we live in today is far too concerned about titles. In my humble opinion, titles lead to the destruction of many. Now let's ponder on that, hmm?
In history, it's a clear easy pattern. The desire of certain titles has prompted heinous acts of violence. From Cesar to JFK, a single persons lust for a higher title in society and the power often associated with it has done no good for anyone. This trend far outstretches the political world.
Just take a look at some of Hollywood's starlets. Everything from sex scandal and drugs, the minute they hit the top, it all comes crashing down. Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, Lindsay Loghan, Paris Hilton. All serve as excellent examples of what chasing after titles can do to a person.
Those are just some large scale examples of course. In relationships, people get so caught up in the titles they lose sight of the actual relationship. What does it matter if the whole world calls you boyfriend and girlfriend? Or engaged, or married? When you're young as I am, titles become the hot center of attention. But so few young people such as myself really grasp the meaning behind said titles. Its a popularity contest in which one loses sight of who made that title possible.
My point being, official titles can be great, but never forsake the "You and Me" for the "We." All relationships, regardless of title, include two separate people with their own wants and desires, and you should always be aware of the give and take aspects. The minute you forget that the person you love has dreams of their very own, you're done for.
3. Never skip school to go to the doctor's if you aren't really that sick. You'll come out of it with a prostate exam o.O Ask my brother...he knows.
4. Indulgence is a necessary counterpart to the hard work we have to do every day. Just don't OVER indulge ;)
5. If you get the chance to do something over...take it. It's usually worth the risk involved.
6. You're never to old to accomplish fantastic things. So don't put limits on yourself.
7. Laugh hysterically, and cry passionately.
8. Don't ever change who you are to impress someone else. Being honest and upfront will take you much further.
9. Go to the Zoo as often as you can. Just take my word on that one and do it.
and to finish off my little list here...
10. Never pay more.... for fabulous!
1. The little things are the most important; like peanuts. They are sooo tiny, but if you're allergic, they can kill you. If there's something going on in your life that seems minuet, don't ignore it. Watch it closely.
2. The society we live in today is far too concerned about titles. In my humble opinion, titles lead to the destruction of many. Now let's ponder on that, hmm?
In history, it's a clear easy pattern. The desire of certain titles has prompted heinous acts of violence. From Cesar to JFK, a single persons lust for a higher title in society and the power often associated with it has done no good for anyone. This trend far outstretches the political world.
Just take a look at some of Hollywood's starlets. Everything from sex scandal and drugs, the minute they hit the top, it all comes crashing down. Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, Lindsay Loghan, Paris Hilton. All serve as excellent examples of what chasing after titles can do to a person.
Those are just some large scale examples of course. In relationships, people get so caught up in the titles they lose sight of the actual relationship. What does it matter if the whole world calls you boyfriend and girlfriend? Or engaged, or married? When you're young as I am, titles become the hot center of attention. But so few young people such as myself really grasp the meaning behind said titles. Its a popularity contest in which one loses sight of who made that title possible.
My point being, official titles can be great, but never forsake the "You and Me" for the "We." All relationships, regardless of title, include two separate people with their own wants and desires, and you should always be aware of the give and take aspects. The minute you forget that the person you love has dreams of their very own, you're done for.
3. Never skip school to go to the doctor's if you aren't really that sick. You'll come out of it with a prostate exam o.O Ask my brother...he knows.
4. Indulgence is a necessary counterpart to the hard work we have to do every day. Just don't OVER indulge ;)
5. If you get the chance to do something over...take it. It's usually worth the risk involved.
6. You're never to old to accomplish fantastic things. So don't put limits on yourself.
7. Laugh hysterically, and cry passionately.
8. Don't ever change who you are to impress someone else. Being honest and upfront will take you much further.
9. Go to the Zoo as often as you can. Just take my word on that one and do it.
and to finish off my little list here...
10. Never pay more.... for fabulous!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Easy as 1,2,3
Heart racing, can't stop pacing. I count each shallow breath.
My mind is a blur, my head is so sore...it's like a self-induced wreck.
Time to sit down...gotta slow down....
I count each shallow breath....one..two..three..
Look in the mirror. Look at what I've become. I finally can see me.
I am no longer an image of someone elses making.
I just see me.
I count each shallow breath....one..two..three....
When did I lose myself...when did I become the projection screen...
That's not who I am, I am no raggedy Anne,
designed to be prodded and pulled.
But I let him...
I let him tie me up with his strings, and dictate who I should be.
He had me completely fooled.
Fooled into being his porcelain doll.....
Look in the mirror, See who I have become. At last, I see it all.
All that I am, and all I will be...finally I am me.
I count each breath....one, two, three, four...
I can breath. Its not hard anymore.
I hold the strings. And I am me.
My mind is a blur, my head is so sore...it's like a self-induced wreck.
Time to sit down...gotta slow down....
I count each shallow breath....one..two..three..
Look in the mirror. Look at what I've become. I finally can see me.
I am no longer an image of someone elses making.
I just see me.
I count each shallow breath....one..two..three....
When did I lose myself...when did I become the projection screen...
That's not who I am, I am no raggedy Anne,
designed to be prodded and pulled.
But I let him...
I let him tie me up with his strings, and dictate who I should be.
He had me completely fooled.
Fooled into being his porcelain doll.....
Look in the mirror, See who I have become. At last, I see it all.
All that I am, and all I will be...finally I am me.
I count each breath....one, two, three, four...
I can breath. Its not hard anymore.
I hold the strings. And I am me.
Love and Love-Alike
Recently, I have found myself in the unsavory position of getting divorced. I won't bore you with the details and story of what led up to the divorce; but because of this new experience in my life, I have begun to closely examine and question "Love."
In the first nineteen years of my life, I had the common misconception of what being "In Love" really meant. In high school, it was all about the butterflies. If a guy didn't make my stomach flip when I looked at him, then it wasn't love. Being a hormonal teenage girl, I had made the common link of lust and love. When I got to college, I had many philisophical thoughts over this little thing called love. What makes someone fall in love? What connection makes it different from any other? Where does physical attraction fit in? At this point I had learned to seperate lust and love; once again I was at square one. But as a head strong eightteen year old, I wasn't going to settle with a great mystery to solve. I had a drive and desire to understand and fully analyze this emotion that drove so many girls my age to the brink of insanity. So I watched, and I waited.
I was at a pivotol point in life. It was my first year out of my parents house; I was finally tasting "freedom." I learned rather quickly that, much like the term Love, the term Freedom was a versatile one at the least, and it wasn't quite the thing my dreams at home had made it seem. I had to be responsible for my own actions, and for school work and finding a job. Which brought me to my first inital conclusion; real love is much more than goose bumps and an erection. Because in order to make it last, you have to find a balance of everything you juggle in the real world.
It was at this point I met someone who made my head reel around my earlier assumptions as to love. I suddenly was running with the pack, heading straight for the cliff where I soon found was a clear double jump over a rainbow and to a deep abyss. It gave me the exact insight I thought I had needed. But, both of us being young as we were, it all crashed and burned. I never resented it. It gave me some new veiw points. I took the lesson I learned, and I carried on.
At this point, I met the guy who soon became my husband. Now here's a lesson, everyone.
I met him summer of 2008. And he was a complete and total polar opposite of any guy I had ever met before. And after my previous blow out, I thought it was what I needed. So I dated him, and in a way, I did fall in love with him. He gave me some very real and fundemental clarity on actual love. Not because of how he loved me; but because of the mistakes made.
In that praticular relationship, I tried to be someone I was never meant to be. When I finally had had enough of pretending I was a completely different person, I had already screwed up so severely. I woke up, and I was married to someone who had never known or cared about who I really was. It was a hard lesson to learn. But this what I've come to understand about love and being in love through all of my experiences.
First off, there is a key and very fine line between the love you hold for a dear friend, and actually being in love. It is all too often a blurred line. Why? Because the person you spend your life with needs to be your very closest of friends. They need to know you inside and out; hands down better than any other living soul. Because of this, too many young couples such as my soon to be ex-husband and I wake up one day wondering why they feel so unsatisfyed. When you focus too much on the friendship, you lose the romance. Romance is imprtant as well. Because friendship is only the first step; intimacy is the next.
My mother once told me something I found to be very helpful; Some love stories are like a bon fire; the start out big, hot and beautiful. But they dont last; they die out. A true love is more like a slow burning fire in a fire place. No, its not as big and eye catching as the bon fire; but the heat never dies. It takes work to keep the flames going; but it lasts and it constantly puts out warmth.
So I guess to wrap up this ramble, I'll leave you with this. If you're single, relax and enjoy it. You only get one life to live, and time has a funny way of working it all out in the end. If you're in a relationship and you think you're in love, pay close attention to the little things, because in the long run those little things become the big issues. If you're married and in love, kudos to you. You've got what many of us shmucks out here haven't fully wrapped our heads around. When things get hard, keep your chins up. Life's a short ride on the larger scale of things, and you shouldn't waste anymore time on worrying than whats needed. Don't be afraid to have your heart broken...the regrowth of the human heart is beautiful thing.
And remember always the differences that lie across the line seperating Love, and Love-Alike.
In the first nineteen years of my life, I had the common misconception of what being "In Love" really meant. In high school, it was all about the butterflies. If a guy didn't make my stomach flip when I looked at him, then it wasn't love. Being a hormonal teenage girl, I had made the common link of lust and love. When I got to college, I had many philisophical thoughts over this little thing called love. What makes someone fall in love? What connection makes it different from any other? Where does physical attraction fit in? At this point I had learned to seperate lust and love; once again I was at square one. But as a head strong eightteen year old, I wasn't going to settle with a great mystery to solve. I had a drive and desire to understand and fully analyze this emotion that drove so many girls my age to the brink of insanity. So I watched, and I waited.
I was at a pivotol point in life. It was my first year out of my parents house; I was finally tasting "freedom." I learned rather quickly that, much like the term Love, the term Freedom was a versatile one at the least, and it wasn't quite the thing my dreams at home had made it seem. I had to be responsible for my own actions, and for school work and finding a job. Which brought me to my first inital conclusion; real love is much more than goose bumps and an erection. Because in order to make it last, you have to find a balance of everything you juggle in the real world.
It was at this point I met someone who made my head reel around my earlier assumptions as to love. I suddenly was running with the pack, heading straight for the cliff where I soon found was a clear double jump over a rainbow and to a deep abyss. It gave me the exact insight I thought I had needed. But, both of us being young as we were, it all crashed and burned. I never resented it. It gave me some new veiw points. I took the lesson I learned, and I carried on.
At this point, I met the guy who soon became my husband. Now here's a lesson, everyone.
I met him summer of 2008. And he was a complete and total polar opposite of any guy I had ever met before. And after my previous blow out, I thought it was what I needed. So I dated him, and in a way, I did fall in love with him. He gave me some very real and fundemental clarity on actual love. Not because of how he loved me; but because of the mistakes made.
In that praticular relationship, I tried to be someone I was never meant to be. When I finally had had enough of pretending I was a completely different person, I had already screwed up so severely. I woke up, and I was married to someone who had never known or cared about who I really was. It was a hard lesson to learn. But this what I've come to understand about love and being in love through all of my experiences.
First off, there is a key and very fine line between the love you hold for a dear friend, and actually being in love. It is all too often a blurred line. Why? Because the person you spend your life with needs to be your very closest of friends. They need to know you inside and out; hands down better than any other living soul. Because of this, too many young couples such as my soon to be ex-husband and I wake up one day wondering why they feel so unsatisfyed. When you focus too much on the friendship, you lose the romance. Romance is imprtant as well. Because friendship is only the first step; intimacy is the next.
My mother once told me something I found to be very helpful; Some love stories are like a bon fire; the start out big, hot and beautiful. But they dont last; they die out. A true love is more like a slow burning fire in a fire place. No, its not as big and eye catching as the bon fire; but the heat never dies. It takes work to keep the flames going; but it lasts and it constantly puts out warmth.
So I guess to wrap up this ramble, I'll leave you with this. If you're single, relax and enjoy it. You only get one life to live, and time has a funny way of working it all out in the end. If you're in a relationship and you think you're in love, pay close attention to the little things, because in the long run those little things become the big issues. If you're married and in love, kudos to you. You've got what many of us shmucks out here haven't fully wrapped our heads around. When things get hard, keep your chins up. Life's a short ride on the larger scale of things, and you shouldn't waste anymore time on worrying than whats needed. Don't be afraid to have your heart broken...the regrowth of the human heart is beautiful thing.
And remember always the differences that lie across the line seperating Love, and Love-Alike.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Introductory
Hello world of blogging! I'd like to take the chance to introduce myself to anyone who may stumble upon my humble ramblings. You can call me Aubs. I am mostly using this as an outsource for the day to day things that get my mind ticking. I think we all need a little vent space, and if you're reading this then you're one of the lucky ones out there who get to read all about what makes me tick ;D
My goal is to write a new blog everyday, over a variety of issues, from my ever-developing views on politics, to religion, to food, to dates, and much much more. I hope you'll all feel free to leave posts and comments. I like to know what other people think about the topics that interest me!
Have a fantastic day out there, world of blogging. And remember....we all deserve a little vent space ;)
My goal is to write a new blog everyday, over a variety of issues, from my ever-developing views on politics, to religion, to food, to dates, and much much more. I hope you'll all feel free to leave posts and comments. I like to know what other people think about the topics that interest me!
Have a fantastic day out there, world of blogging. And remember....we all deserve a little vent space ;)
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