Love and Love-Alike

Recently, I have found myself in the unsavory position of getting divorced. I won't bore you with the details and story of what led up to the divorce; but because of this new experience in my life, I have begun to closely examine and question "Love."
In the first nineteen years of my life, I had the common misconception of what being "In Love" really meant. In high school, it was all about the butterflies. If a guy didn't make my stomach flip when I looked at him, then it wasn't love. Being a hormonal teenage girl, I had made the common link of lust and love. When I got to college, I had many philisophical thoughts over this little thing called love. What makes someone fall in love? What connection makes it different from any other? Where does physical attraction fit in? At this point I had learned to seperate lust and love; once again I was at square one. But as a head strong eightteen year old, I wasn't going to settle with a great mystery to solve. I had a drive and desire to understand and fully analyze this emotion that drove so many girls my age to the brink of insanity. So I watched, and I waited.
I was at a pivotol point in life. It was my first year out of my parents house; I was finally tasting "freedom." I learned rather quickly that, much like the term Love, the term Freedom was a versatile one at the least, and it wasn't quite the thing my dreams at home had made it seem. I had to be responsible for my own actions, and for school work and finding a job. Which brought me to my first inital conclusion; real love is much more than goose bumps and an erection. Because in order to make it last, you have to find a balance of everything you juggle in the real world.
It was at this point I met someone who made my head reel around my earlier assumptions as to love. I suddenly was running with the pack, heading straight for the cliff where I soon found was a clear double jump over a rainbow and to a deep abyss. It gave me the exact insight I thought I had needed. But, both of us being young as we were, it all crashed and burned. I never resented it. It gave me some new veiw points. I took the lesson I learned, and I carried on.
At this point, I met the guy who soon became my husband. Now here's a lesson, everyone.
I met him summer of 2008. And he was a complete and total polar opposite of any guy I had ever met before. And after my previous blow out, I thought it was what I needed. So I dated him, and in a way, I did fall in love with him. He gave me some very real and fundemental clarity on actual love. Not because of how he loved me; but because of the mistakes made.
In that praticular relationship, I tried to be someone I was never meant to be. When I finally had had enough of pretending I was a completely different person, I had already screwed up so severely. I woke up, and I was married to someone who had never known or cared about who I really was. It was a hard lesson to learn. But this what I've come to understand about love and being in love through all of my experiences.
First off, there is a key and very fine line between the love you hold for a dear friend, and actually being in love. It is all too often a blurred line. Why? Because the person you spend your life with needs to be your very closest of friends. They need to know you inside and out; hands down better than any other living soul. Because of this, too many young couples such as my soon to be ex-husband and I wake up one day wondering why they feel so unsatisfyed. When you focus too much on the friendship, you lose the romance. Romance is imprtant as well. Because friendship is only the first step; intimacy is the next.
My mother once told me something I found to be very helpful; Some love stories are like a bon fire; the start out big, hot and beautiful. But they dont last; they die out. A true love is more like a slow burning fire in a fire place. No, its not as big and eye catching as the bon fire; but the heat never dies. It takes work to keep the flames going; but it lasts and it constantly puts out warmth.
So I guess to wrap up this ramble, I'll leave you with this. If you're single, relax and enjoy it. You only get one life to live, and time has a funny way of working it all out in the end. If you're in a relationship and you think you're in love, pay close attention to the little things, because in the long run those little things become the big issues. If you're married and in love, kudos to you. You've got what many of us shmucks out here haven't fully wrapped our heads around. When things get hard, keep your chins up. Life's a short ride on the larger scale of things, and you shouldn't waste anymore time on worrying than whats needed. Don't be afraid to have your heart broken...the regrowth of the human heart is beautiful thing.
And remember always the differences that lie across the line seperating Love, and Love-Alike.