No Regrets

There's a lot on my mind. I don't really have any strong feelings about any of it. It's just there. Sometimes, I like to look back to see how far I've come. It's sometimes a good reminder of things we may need to work on at the moment, or simply encouragement for us to move even further forward. And tonight, I looked very far back. Four years back.
 Four years doesn't sound like the largest chunk of time in the world, but boy does it make a difference. Tonight I read things from so long ago it felt more like an excerpt from fictional drama than something that really happened. It's amazing the way events shape us, and pave the directions our lives go in. I love how some decisions lead you to believe the path will go a certain way, then life intervenes and suddenly the people you thought you'd never see again are the most important parts of your life. The human heart has such a capacity for healing, and for love. The heart could be called fickle. It's so easy for the feelings of a moment to change in an instant; but that's why you can't lean only on emotion.
 I can see more clearly now than before how much I have changed. I owe so much of that to the path paved for me by certain catastrophic events in my life; poor decision making led me to a place where I had chances to clarify for myself who I am in this world, who matters to me, what matters to me....I also had a really good opportunity to delve into and solidify my religious beliefs. It's easy to say there are things I'd change in my past...sometimes, I wonder if I went back in time, would I warn myself that getting married was an awful idea? Or to not give up on a friendship that had meant so much to me? However often I wonder these things, I'll never go back and warn myself of anything. And in a way, I'm thankful.
 A good friend told me, after my divorce, that we have to learn how to separate the good memories from the bad, and hold onto just those. I'm in a place in my life where I've been able to do that, finally. So, if you asked me if I had any regrets.....I think I'd have to say no. No, I don't think I regret anything that's happened in my life. No, I don't wish things had gone differently. Because I would not be the me sitting here writing this now if things had been different.
 My ex-husband and I weren't the best for each other. We had little in common, and argued over most things. We each asked and expected too much of each other; things we would never be able to give one another. I really feel we were too young to know what we were getting in to, and we both had too much to work on in ourselves, to much for God to work on in each of us individually, for forever to have been a real possibility. But, I don't really regret the time I spent on that relationship. If I were to narrow it down to the last, say, nine months we were together, then maybe I'd say I'd change all of it. But, I have to remember that almost three years of my life was spent in that relationship, and if I said there weren't good times I'd be a liar. Who we are now, since we've been apart, are radically different than who we were together three years ago. It's just a fact. But that time in my life is a part of who I am now. It's irreversible.
The same goes for others. I could say I wish what I have now had come sooner. But would the relationship and life I have now have been as strong had it happened? I could be bothered by how much
In the same way, there are other people who have played roles in parts of my life that have become a part of who I am today. At one time, when I was a reckless young 18 year old girl,  I faced an ordeal with two other people I thought I'd never live past. I thought my heart would stop, I hurt so badly in those moments. And I know they hurt too. Some for far too long over it all. We thought we wouldn't get past it. But, we all did. We all lived past it, and moved forward, and grew from it. I can't say I regret any of it; because it helped me grow, and learn. And I hope that they can say the same.
 I know I've been much less religious since my divorce. I don't post scripture, or "Praise God" this and that very often. But tonight I feel a strong urge to say a little thank you prayer to my Creator.... he always stretches me further than I believe possible. And He always brings me to a peaceful, precious place in life, no matter the obstacles I face.
He has placed people all throughout the last four years of my life who have helped me learn more about myself, whether it be good or bad, and grow stronger from all those experiences. It never ceases to amaze me when I look back and see how much He has done.

So, do you live regret free? Maybe it's time you sat down and separated the good memories from the bad so that you can hold on to all the things you learned through those experiences.
Life is too short to waste time wishing things had been different. We are not promised a tomorrow. Live in today, and be thankful for it. Be thankful for all of it, because those things you thought would kill you only made you stronger. And that, my friends, is the truly beautiful thing about this life we've been given.