I've Watched Too Much Harry Potter

 Sometimes, I really like to read other peoples old blogs. I like to see where they've been, or what they've been through. I find myself analyzing them in a way, drawing lines between events, seeing how it shaped their personality.
   Is it odd that I like to know about old relationships?? It probably is...but it's like a real life novel. I don't mean that to sound like I have no respect for the fact that the blogs i read belong to real people, who at one time really felt a certain way. Because I do, really. I accept that their are parts of everyone's past that will remain there for the rest of their lives, irremovable imprints of events long past.
   I wrote a blog similar to that theory before. That the past shapes the present, and to wish for things to be different is foolish. I just find past relationships interesting. I think there are clues and indicators a person can find from something like an old journal or blog that will unlock levels of understanding, and today that's really all I've done with my free time.
I've been reading some peoples old blogs, and I have found further understanding in doing so.
 I don't know why I feel this need to understand a person, their motivations, their actions, the way they feel about things. I guess on some level all people have that desire to know the people in their lives in that way. But I want to understand *everyone* that way. Even people who hate me. Even people I don't want anything to do with.
Also...I'm snoopy.
 People often times forget things from the past. It's normal, as you move on, old memories fade and in their place new, relevant memories form. But if you blog about it...it's there. It will remain there. Sometimes for years and years, until you either forget it existed, or you delete it.
 Maybe I like to read them because whenever a chapter ends for me, I cut all ties with the past. I delete tangible connections, like blogs, notes, pictures. Even whole profiles on social networks.

 I feel like when Harry Potter falls into the pensive....I don't know if exhilarating is the right descriptive word? It's just....fascinating. I feel like I've gained serious insight into the people whose blogs I read through today. In some cases, it was only confirming things I already suspected.....but those things are things I can not change. Some are just personality quriks. No one can change another's personality. But, some are more about old connections.
 Sometimes, a persons past will always remain connected to them. I have known that these connections exist with people I love and care deeply about for a long time; but when you read something that relates specifically to that connection, it really becomes solid. Tangible even.
 Maybe it's because I've been re-watching Harry Potter....but I feel like I am more like a phoenix when it comes to my past, relationships and otherwise. When something ends for me, it bursts to flame. It dies, leaving nothing but a pile of ash. Then, in the same way a phoenix is re-born from the ashes of its former self, I move forward into the new chapter ahead of me. My past is only ever ashes. 

I don't really feel sad about it. I like that I really can let go of things, and really do move on. I feel bad that there are people, like my ex, who just...don't. It's so unhealthy. Here we are, just shy of a year of being divorced, and I hear he's still locking himself in his room and refusing to eat? There's a line between hurting and self-pity. I know that heartbreak is painful. But broken hearts will only mend when you let them. There's not a person alive who hasn't had their heart broken. Abd we all find a way to continue living, to continue forwards.

I feel like a lot of wise tid-bits have been applicable this week....."A broken heart will mend if you let it"...."let sleeping dogs lie".....
Sometimes, people underestimate the importance of separating the good and bad of our pasts, and knowing when it's wise to look back, and when you need to keep pressing forward.
Feels like those are the lesson's I've been learning in this chapter of my life......man, I have come far. I can't wait to look back a year from now and see even more of how I've grown.