Just a Little Red Lipstick

 If a girl knows how to pamper herself, and enjoys spending a few hours doing so, does that make her vain? If I told you I plan out how I want to do my hair and make-up the night before, what would you think?

  I've been teased most of my life by friends and family for being a "Primper." My grandpa used to say that I only spent about fifteen minutes in the shower; the other hour or so was spent right in front of the mirror. At home, I would usually take my bath or shower last so that everyone else could get what they needed done. My cell phones, computers and cameras are filled with picture after picture of myself; and if you were to ask me or confront me about these behaviors, I wouldn't bat an eye. I feel no shame in my love of beauty rituals. Why should I?
  If the art to getting ahead in life is, at its core, confidence, then I find myself convinced that all women need just a little time each day devoted to pampering. I never feel more confident then after I've taken a hot bath, or exfoliated my face, or done my nails. When I put on my red lip stick, I'm transformed. It's that little touch of red lipstick that tells the world watch out! Here comes a strong, confident young woman who would rather stand out and be noticed than blend into the walls of the background.

  So, ladies, break out those pumps; spend a little more time trying something new with your make-up; try an at home recipe for a color lift, or a facial mask. Need one? I have several! I would like to see fewer girls with self esteem issues and more girls whose most noticeable trait is confidence.
 Women deserve to feel pretty. It doesn't make us vain or narcissistic to recognize our good features and to spend some time pampering ourselves. 

Blank Walls

I don't know that I have words right now. Just the overwhelming sense of sadness; and a hardened sense or resignation. I love you, knowing who you are, where you come from, and the personal obstacles and difficulties you face daily. But I need you to help me understand. I'm no longer the little girl that believed you were infallible; I know you are not an omnipotent and perfect being. I'm a grown woman now, and I'm asking you, adult to adult, to please help me understand. Because my mind is not capable of comprehension or understanding this situation right now. It hurts; and it makes me afraid. I have to tell you these things, because if I don't it will be a like swallowing a razor blade. I hate to see you cry; I hate to think of you hurting. But this hurts me too. And I can't just take the word of every other adult around me. I have to know. I have to ask you to explain to me...why? How did this happen?? What events led to this?
  My biggest fear is losing you. I have nightmares about. I have had nightmares about losing you somehow ever since I was a child. I didn't tell you today, when I last saw you, when I last got to hug you, that the night before I had a repeating nightmare of losing you. I spent an hour crying the next night before bed, unable to shake a sense of foreboding that I was going to lose you before I was ready to. I thought it was silly of me; I'm grown now, I can't just call you in the middle of the night to make sure you aren't sick or in trouble because I had a bad dream. I can't curl up in bed and cuddle with you while you let me cry and tell me it's all okay, that you're fine.

Because you aren't. You aren't okay. And now, as an adult, I'm asking you to let me in and tell why you aren't okay.